reckoning.
Ridiculous as it is.. the realisation that a more beautiful girl is worth going through the rigmarole of marriage with the validation from society as a goalpost to have attained, only to pay for it with a significant portion of the lifetime for its upkeep, maintanence and freedom. I was married to a rich, beautiful girl. The daily life was not worth putting up for the reward. Sexual life is a diminishing return. Have wondered why I did marry or what did I subject myself to this rigmarole.. Yes. Also this: maybe if I had gone through those states unaware but in a blissful ignorance of the objective reality of life than be lost in subjective narrations about love, meaning, purpose and goal.. that comes as a package with this pursuit of a woman.. then it's worth subjecting one's time on earth to that.. But having coming out of the cave.. to go back, is bothering. There's not much rewards. Having understood the dopamine reward system, the charm, beauty and ethereal attraction ...