re-start

 Life as a human being -> life as a being on earth, with a limited timeframe of consciousness. Where this starts and ends, is mythology that is resolved continuously through the field of science; living is an art till then.

With a typical relationship, I need to pay with resources (time being the primal!) for the upkeep of the dynamic. Of course sex and a sense of companionship is there, but the rewards are diminishing once the know-how of all it is arrived. 

I would want not to get into sex; it goes into the animal part of the brain and numbs the forebrain. Besides, it makes me give attention to woman and that again is a time consumption black hole. My point is this: to be alive on this planet is a phenomenal privilege and to numb that with some kind of drama involving emotions and desires (stemming from instincts), yielding to the drive within, as programmed by nature and evolved by repetition and improvisation by the ancestral line is looking kind of.. 'is that all to it'. The realization comes at the end when there's nothing more to do (with no energy or time left) and so one makes up with family line, reproduction and roles as a meaning. It came a little (or much ahead!) early to me, so I am wondering what else to do, since the usual roles are already witnessed vicariously through the people around. 

How I arrived here can be the subject of a book to write; but then I have done that in parts, in thoughts and in various formats that has convinced myself of what I am letting go and the path I am embracing and the benefits that I stand to lose. Besides, holding firmly to the past wrt memories and such is also a price to pay!