romance

 Death of the romanticist in me


I had the desire for the female. Companionship, the proximity, the chatting, dialogues. Then realized that this is all a self-deception; it all will eventually culminate in the sex and making kids, as per nature's grand plan. This realization made me lose steam wrt the pursuit of the woman. Used to be the guy who was the romanticist, writing letters and prose for the girl in pursuit, now no more. This is like watching Breaking bad again. There's no surprises, thrill or the puzzles. I wish I can re-live the innocent me phase again. But no, even the movies and music that used to work (wrt romance) isn't palatable anymore. Sad indeed, but there's no regrets. 


there's a problem here with the relationship past the de-illusion. Back then, there's infinite energy to pursue after inflating the value of the chase, a self-deception. Now that's not there, because I can understand the stories I am telling myself (to delude myself into chasing the woman in sight).  



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