some homework

 to not react, lament, express. To observe, analyze and arrive at the actual reality - objective than subjective. To chart a course accordingly.

coloring something with biased perspectives to give a 'personal' touch to everything that comes across... it may feel like expanding on the notion of what the self is. the 'me, me, me this, me that' ways of enriching the self. even astrology, to give an example. To identify with one category and deriving a sense of identity from it while trying to defend the same in arguments... the drama can make one feel alive through the repertoire of emotions and brain chemical rewards but when the zoomed out 'what am I doing with my life' question is asked and if answered sincerely.. it's all a vainglorious time consumption exercise. A conspicuous consumption of ideology (as opposed to materialism).

the emptiness that comes from the decoupling from these narratives (wouldn't want to color it with the word 'illusion'. Everything is maya, or as it is ascertained long back, maya is the default operating system to experience the world so to devalue or disparage it is a pointless exercise). 

By saying all this, I am doing a post mortem. How the past 4 decades of my life was spent and realizing the repetition patterns (which I call as addictive behaviors where certain patterns are grooved into the neural networks and the comfort of repeating it).

it should be 'been there, done that, moving on' whenever a past pattern is sensed in the present. For an automobile, the driving patterns are to be decided by fuel efficiency as the governing factor(some use fun quotient based on endorphin highs derived, but that's boyhood phase) and similarly everything done, witnessed or spent is to be controlled with time as a resource.