sugar vs ketone.

 Drawing oneself into some kind of narrative* and just be lost in senses about the passage of time.. and decades flying just like that. 

*meaning, purpose, activity, theme.. it maybe farming, intellectuality, family, love and such: ego traps of being validated by attention/affection from any second person. And to live like an addict seeking repetition of the same and age oneself into the terminal wheelchair and deathbed. 

Or, to write those all off and just live like a wanderer. Alone but not lonely. Pursuing things for the sake of keeping mental/physical health in good condition while preserving the sovereignty. So in the terminal day, there won't be any story to tell myself, no 'loving' family around to sob around when the plug is pulled. Just the 'ah, finally' (will I really do so?). 

The first is the ordained path for any human on earth. Easy. Boring and predictable. Second is adventurous. Like walking barefoot in the vegetation, exposing oneself to vulnerabilities. 

There was a woman in the inbox. Every time texting or receiving a communication from her, there's none of the charms that used to be there in the male in me for the female. I had my doubts and even took a hormone test; it was all normal. So it's just the mind. I have followed an unique path for a while and to turn and go to normal ways seem pointless. There was a more than decent connect with the doctor, but her priorities were different. I am not the man that the typical woman is seeking, so any attempt to anaesthetize with any of the delusion would mean there only will be a complication of a mess that I would want to run away from the needless adventure that I participated out of curiosity. The most precious resource: time. I will lose it. Unforgiveable. 

If only these lingering carb driven energy dynamics are resisted and resolved to burn fat as fuel is attained, then the loner path won't be too much load on the cognition and I can actually live as an adventurer that I always wished to be.